Christianity and Remarriage

[Guest]

Dear Mike,
I have made some very poor choices in husbands. None of my decisions were Christ-led and all ended in divorce. (Yes, there have been several). For the past 12 years, I have remained celibate and single. During this time, I have been saved, baptized, and pray for God's guidance constantly. Now, a man has entered my life...one, I believe, has been shown to me by God as being my life mate. He is my best friend, my "soul mate" if you will. I know God takes marriage, and divorce, very seriously...however, since my former decisions were not Christ-led decisions, is it possible that God would now show me who He chooses for me? Is it a sin for us to marry?

[Mike Miller]

You are indeed correct that God takes marriage very seriously. And let me commend you on 12 years of celibate singleness. I know that is hard, but you are definitely showing that you are a new person in Christ. I'm glad you have been able to find your sufficiency in Him.

While it might seem like your question is a simple one, it really isn't. We'll examine the relevant Scriptures, but first, let me say that whatever you do, you need to go very slowly. Your previous marriages were obviously not healthy, so I recommend some counseling for you and the new man in your life to help you examine your motives and to see if there might be some things your past (yours and his) that you might need to resolve before going further.

In Matthew chapters 5 and 19, Jesus states plainly that someone who divorces except for reasons of adultery and remarries commits adultery. Also, anyone who marries a divorced person commits adultery. This is pretty clear that unless a person was cheated on, neither divorce nor remarriage are God's plan.

In 1 Corinthians 7, Paul tells us that if a Christian is married to a non-Christian, and the non-Christian walks out on the marriage, the Christian is free to remarry. Otherwise, they should remain married, and a Christian should not divorce the non-believing spouse.

Therefore, the bottom line is that God love marriage and hates divorce. Jesus said in Matthew 19 that what God has joined together, man should not separate. In fact, though divorce is allowed in the case of adultery, that is still not the ideal. The ideal is repentance on the part of the adulterer and forgiveness on the part of the offended spouse. Reconciliation is best.

One question I would have for you is whether your previous marriages ended because you were cheated on. If so, then the answer is clear that remarriage is an option for you. If that is not the case, then the answer is a little more complicated (though it might seem simple). If you were a Christian who had been jumping in and out of marriages, then I would say that you should remain single. However, 2 Corinthians 5:17 says, "If anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come." I know that some will disagree with me on this, but I can see this verse (and the entire concept) as having bearing on your situation. If you were not a Christian when you were making such poor decisions based on a low and unbiblical view of marriage, and if you are now saved and have God's perspective on marriage, you are a new creation, and the old you is gone.

I say all this to say that it might be permissible for you to remarry. In fact, just based on what you have said, I do think remarriage is a viable option. But let me reiterate the need for some good counseling. I would say that if you have a period of solid counseling from a biblical as well as a clinical perspective, and if your counselor advises your relationship to proceed, then you, as a new person in Christ, could be free to remarry. And if you need the name of a good counselor, give me a call, and I'll be glad to advise.