Confidence in Conflict

[terrytelschow]

Dear Pastor Mike,

I have never developed any kind of confidence in sharing the word of god in any sort of difficult situation. Whether it be wanting to share the gospel to a complete stranger who I know is a skeptic on spiritual matters, or confronting a friend on a sinful lifestyle. Frankly, just turning my mind to the subject puts me in an awkward and uneasy mood.

I feel like this lack of confidence is based in two facts: 1. I know that I have sinned or am still struggling with sin seen socially worse than this person or the matter at hand and feel vulnerable to an attack or confrontation that will ultimately dissipate the original purpose of the conversation. And 2. I feel that I lack the biblical knowledge necessary to reference appropriately the supporting scripture.

Obviously, yes, I need to read the bible. I have been taking a lot in about your lessons in the past few weeks about reading the bible and am doing it more and more, so I suppose that that knowledge will come, but it seems that the confidence never will.

Example: let’s say that my best friend, who is a consistent believer in Christ, lives with his girlfriend and openly discuses topics of this sinful lifestyle. He knows its wrong, but does nothing. What do I say?

Or

I meet someone that drops in passing how they don’t believe in god and want nothing to do with him. What do I do?

How do I approach these situations without being judgmental and condescending? I know that I am to seek god’s word and will through prayer but I never feel enlightened enough to break the doubt and jump into the solution.

Maybe I have some serious confidence issues, but I feel that these types of issues weigh on the hearts of so many Christians, that counseling in this area is always a good thing.

[Mike Miller]

You know, we all have different levels of confidence. Some are very outgoing while others are more shy. However, we all know that we need to tell others about Jesus. So, why don't we, and how do we?

To begin with, let me commend you not only for your desire to be a faithful witness, but for trying to do something about it. You are coming to my Sunday evening breakout session, and that is exactly where you need to be. Right now, we are making sure we are clear on what the Gospel is, but in the next session, we will start talking about how to respond to common specific objections and questions that skeptics have. Then, in the last session, we will actually talk about ways to build bridges with unbelievers and ways to bring the Gospel into conversations.

Having said all that--and stressing the need continually to increase our Bible knowledge--the fact is that if you have enough information to accept Christ, then you you have enough information to pass on to others. What I mean is that you need to trust in the Gospel that you responded to. Paul says the Gospel is "the power of God for salvation to everyone who believes" (Romans 1:16). If you know the Gospel well enough to secure your salvation, then that is all anyone else needs to know. "But what if they ask questions," you might ask. Then say, "I'm not sure. Let me get back to you." That's really ok.

Now, as for the person who doesn't believe in God, what do you do? That, my friend, is a huge question with many variables. How well do you know the person? Why doesn't the person believe? What is the person's background? The way we respond to an atheist depends on the particular atheist. My approach is typically to ask as many questions and do as much listening as possible. I want to understand the person and let him know I respect him. Once I learn some things about his thinking, then I can know how to respond. For example, if the person is a professor of biochemistry at Tulane, he might have different reasons for disbelief and different objections than a starving artist in the French Quarter. The former might be approaching everything from a purely scientific and Darwinian worldview, while the latter might have been molested by a priest as a young boy. Once we understand something about them, we can begin the Gospel conversation. Of course, space does not permit me here to detail every possible scenario. If you have an actual situation you want help with, let me know.

But what about the professing Christian who is living in blatant, unrepentant sin? First, we must acknowledge that we all sin. However, as believers, we are not simply to admit our sin and keep doing it. We are to grieve over it, repent of it, and move on. If your friend calls himself a Christian, admits he is sexually immoral, and doesn't seem to care, I would ask him some questions about his conversion. Ask him to tell you about his conversion. Ask him if he is confident he is a Christian and why. Then you can share some passages like 2 Corinthians 5:17 and 13:5 or 1 John 2:3-6 and 3:8-10. Also take a look at John 14:23-24. I would help this friend to examine himself to see if he is really a Christian.

As to how to do all this without being judgmental and condescending, that is a matter of your heart. As you pray for wayward professing Christians and atheists and others, you will begin loving them. If you're angry at them, or if you feel superior to them, then you are having a heart issue. Pray for them. Serve them. Love them. Then you won't be judgmental or condescending.

One more thing. You said you never "feel enlightened enough to break the doubt and jump into the solution." Brother, this is when you don't rely on feelings. Sometimes we just need to do what we need to do. It would be best if we always felt like reading our Bible, praying, and sharing the Gospel, but sometimes we just do what men do--we do the right thing.